Alright, guys, welcome back in to the latest edition of SoBros Power Rankings on Patreon. We’ve got a doozy for ya today – it’s an important edition of power rankings, and that’s exactly what we’re here to do: important work. With the holidays right around the corner, you need to sharpen up those culinary skills and learn which vegetables go with just about anything. That’s just the latest way we can help you all #BeBetter.
This discussion was born out of chili.
That’s right – chili. My fiance makes some of the best chili I’ve ever had in my life – a little bit of ground beef, some sliced smoked sausage, tomatoes, beans, corn, onions, and salsa (the secret weapon). You can also cook in a little bit of Miller Lite for some added flavor. Between that and my dad’s recipe (which is much simpler, but a lot spicier), I’m a big time chili FIEND.
But, this week did beg the question – do the onions really matter? The short answer is ‘fucking FUCK yes.’ We got home from the grocery store and started unloading all of the ingredients into the Crockpot. I gasped when I realized we forgot the little packet of fresh diced onions from Kroger. The Titans game was about to start, so I couldn’t get away to run back to the store. Aura agreed that we would just do it without the onions this time. I was bummed.
Later on, once the chili was ready and we had sprinkled our cheddar cheese on top with a dollop of sour cream, she asked, “can you tell there aren’t onions in this?”
I said, “absolutely.” I was disappointed. But, it got me thinking about vegetables that are absolutely crucial to their dishes, and vegetables that can go in just about anything. After days of deliberate thought, I figured I would share my findings with you guys because THAT is what good honest journalists do.
Power Ranking Versatile Vegetables
5. Zucchini – It’s similar to the mushroom in that it does take on the flavor of the dish it’s served in, but it tastes a little more vegetable-y. The only reason it’s so low on this list is that you can most definitely eat way too much zucchini. Watch out for this sneaky sonofabitch.
4. Broccoli – I automatically think of Chinese food and the wonderful array of broccoli dishes they serve up. But, broccoli is low-key good on its own, maybe coated in olive oil, dusted with a little bit of garlic powder, and baked as a healthy side dish. And, if you want a real broccoli dark horse, try some broccoli slaw. Specifically, if you can get your hands on some of that good good Kroger broccoli slaw, you won’t regret it.
3. Potato – On the surface, you might be thinking “Stoney, you fucking lunatic! How can you have the potato this low!?!?” Well, slow your roll, pal! Think about it – the potato is versatile in the sense that you can serve it in a lot of ways, but how many of those ways include the potato in its simplest form? Have you ever eaten a raw potato? Think this one through. The potato requires A LOT of work to make it enjoyable – salt, butter, pepper, sour cream, seasoning. You can’t just drop a potato in a dish and make magic. For that extra work, even though it’s rather tasty, the potato drops on the vegetable versatility power rankings.
2. Mushroom – I mean, part of its physical properties include that it absorbs the flavor of whatever it’s cooked with. Kinda like tofu, if you put a mushroom in a pot pie, for instance, the mushroom is going to taste like a pot pie in a single bite. Some people don’t like the texture, but I find it enjoyable. It gives a dish a dynamic textural experience. It’s also one of my favorite pizza toppings.
1. Onion – Hands down, the most versatile vegetable. You can put it in anything and it will taste delicious. I don’t know of any respectable dish that is made WORSE by adding onions. You can cook ’em up in stuff, or you can slice ’em up raw and put ’em on a hamburger. There’s absolutely no other vegetable like the onion.
What do you think SoBros Nation? What is the most versatile vegetable out there?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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