Pooping in Someone’s Dishwasher Is a Power Move That Commands Respect

I can think of few things as dominant as sneaking into someone's home and taking a dump in their dishwasher.

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Power is a funny thing in this world, y’all. Everyone’s clamoring for it on a daily basis, and we’ve all seen enough movies and television to know that people will go to great lengths to obtain it. It seems like almost on a daily basis, we’re hearing some wild ass story about someone doing something incredibly dumb, or incredibly petty, just as a measure of gaining that power, or gaining some sort of revenge on someone. It’s just human nature, I suppose – well, today, I’ve found a story about a real power move the likes of which I’ve NEVER heard of before – this person broke into a house and took a big ol’ dump in the dishwasher.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Courtesy of 91.5 The Beat:

According to police, someone broke into a house on Sunday but didn’t steal anything — instead, the culprit pooped on the open dishwasher door and left.

Raise hell, praise Dale, baby! This is the kinda shit (literally) we do to people out here in these streets. You want to teach someone a lesson? You drop one off in the dishwasher – that’ll teach ’em to leave the dishwasher open EVER again.

Imagine having that kind of power over someone – KNOWING that you broke into their house, their home, where all of their precious treasures are located, and you didn’t take a thing. Not a single valuable item out of place. Everything is business as usual, except for the fact that there is a shit in the dishwasher.

What would that do to your mind? I don’t even know what I would do with that information. I can’t imagine discovering a turd in the dishwasher. How do you process what has just happened? I’m going to be thinking about that doodoo in my sleep for the rest of my life.

By the way, you can never use that dishwasher again – you can only counter power moves with MORE powerful moves, and the power move here is to find out who did this and throw the dishwasher, turd and all, right through their fucking living room window.

Raise the stakes, baby – always raise the stakes. You shit in my dishwasher, I’m going straight to property damage and maybe human damage if anyone is standing in front of that window. I’ll go to jail. That’s how much I want my power back after you’ve taken it.

This is the game of life, folks.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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