I’ve been meaning to try out this hole butthole sunbathing thing since I wrote this column about it last week. Been on the ol’ to-do list…just haven’t gotten around to it. You know how it goes – something comes along and you say, “man, I need to check that out,” but work piles up, you get buys, and you just never get around to it. Happens all the time. Well, one man who hasn’t been too busy for it, apparently, is legendary mega superstar badass Josh Brolin, who definitely did give it a try last week.
Courtesy of a recent Instagram post:
Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously. #blackholefriday#blackholesun#severeperineumburns#santamonicafiredepartment#assholecare
Y’know…I hate to hear this. This definitely sucks for Josh Brolin.
But, it doesn’t deter me from still wanting to give this a shot. I think that probably every butthole is different and maybe just because Josh Brolin has a burnt butthole, it doesn’t mean every butthole that is exposed to the sun is going to get burnt. What are the odds, ya know? Sure, doctors have come out and said this is a horrible idea and you definitely shouldn’t be doing this. But, honestly, how much do doctors really know about buttholes?
I mean, I’ve never heard of a butthole doctor. Seems like that could all very easily be explained as clickbait.
For me, I need energy. If my butthole is like a battery and the sun charges it, then I’m going to roll the dice on frying it all up. This should be a cautionary tale at the very least know, though. You should always know and understand the risk of everything you do.
But, I’m just saying – how many burnt buttholes have we heard about this week? How many not-burnt buttholes have we heard about this week? I’m taking those odds, folks.
Editor’s Note: Could I have fit the word ‘butthole’ into this article anymore?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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