Top 25 Fictional Football Players: 15-6

Share This Post

For Part One of Poppa Bear’s Top 25 Fictional Football Players list, click here

15. Deacon Moss – WR – The Longest Yard: Listen, I know he should be higher. Hell, this guy was played by Michael Irvin! But I held him to a higher standard because of that, and he wasn’t the highlight of The Longest Yard. Still though, an absolute freak of nature at wide receiver, he’s a nightmare for 1-on-1 coverage. Add in his mean streak from prison, and he’s the scariest receiver on this list.

14. Becky “Icebox” O’Shea – LB – Little Giants: You really didn’t think I’d have a top 25 list without the Icebox did you? Becky O’Shea is everything you want in a LB: she’s tough, smart, and one of the best field generals of our generation. After being cut from a team by her own uncle for being a girl, Icebox builds her own team to show everyone how badass she is. In an attempt to win the heart of a young Devon Sawa, O’Shea elects to leave the team and be a cheerleader. After Sawa is injured on a cheap shot, Becky turns into the Icebox, leading the Little Giants to victory. A truly legendary moment.

13. Alvin Mack – LB – The Program: “Let’s open up a can of kick ass and kill ’em all, let the paramedics sort ’em out.” Yeah, this is a guy you want on your defense. Alvin Mack is easily the best natural talent on the ESU Timberwolves. Even when it seems he’s playing with reckless abandon, Mack is able to adjust his defense while leading in tackles. Unfortunately for Mack, he’s injured in a brutal contest against Iowa, and never plays again. If not for one injury, Alvin Mack would have been a sure first rounder in the NFL.

12. Brian Murphy – TE – The Replacements: A lot of people may have forgotten Brian Murphy, but he was one of the top 2 players on the Washington Sentinels. He would have gone to the NFL in the first round 5 years ago if he hadn’t been born deaf. Crisp routes and sure hands make Murphy an elite TE and a favorite target of Shane Falco. In the waning seconds of the game that could send the Sentinels to the playoffs, Murphy’s number is called. A deep pass to the endzone falls securely into his arms, earning the Replacements a spot in fictional football lore. And he’ll never been called offsides on an audible.

11. Gerry Bertier – DE – Remember the Titans: LEFT SIDE! The All American captain of the TC Williams Titans, Bertier was a force on the football field. Leading the Titans to an undefeated season, he recorded more sacks than anyone on that stout defense. His biggest asset, though, is his leadership. A catalyst for change and harmony on the Titans with his friend and teammate Julius Campbell, Bertier saw his own perceptions evolve. When that SOB Ray refuses to block for Rev, Bertier personally kicks him off the team. That’s a damn leader, and attitude reflects leadership. Gary Bertier’s career was cut short by a car wreck, but he still remains one of the greatest leaders in fictional football history.

10. Smash Williams – RB – Friday Night Lights (TV): Brian “Smash” Williams was easily one of the most gifted athletes from FNL. A combination of speed and shiftiness, Williams ran roughshod over Texas high school football. His running skills are the highlight of the team’s season that culminates in a state championship. With letters from various colleges offering scholarships, Smash has several roads out of the small town of Dillon. Unfortunately, all offers are rescinded after he injures his knee during the playoffs. After spending time with Coach Taylor to rehab his knee and get back to football speed, Williams gets a chance to try out for Texas A&M. He earns his spot and joins the Aggies.

9. Ivory Christian – DE – Friday Night Lights (Film): If you’re not familiar with Ivory Christian, I recommend rewatching the movie. Christian is a quiet and reserved man off the field. But when he speaks, it leaves a lasting impact. His speech at halftime of the state championship game caused the defense to toughen up. His quickness and agility are fairly obvious throughout the film, showcasing him as one of the biggest threats in high school football. The stoic Christian runs through opponents while barely saying a word. His quiet power and intensity would carry him all the way to TCU.

8. Luther “Shark” Lavay – DE – Any Given Sunday: Watching Shark Lavay play during Any Given Sunday was exactly like watching Lawrence Taylor. Lavay was a physical specimen that played fast and loose with his own health and wellbeing. Outside of his phycial abilities, Lavay was also a mentor to QB Willie Beaman (while also using a chainsaw to cut a car in half.) Imparting wisdom and his love for the game, Shark’s dedication to his team was second to none. Lavay’s career was ended with a brutal tackle that gave the Sharks a chance at victory. He was taken off on a stretcher, presumably paralyzed from years of abuse at the hands of the sport he loves.

7. Julius Campbell – DE – Remember the Titans: STRONG SIDE! The TC Williams other All American captain, Campbell wreaked havoc in the backfield of every team he lined up against. What started as undisciplined God-given talent matures into a motivated leader. He played an instrumental role alongside Gerry Bertier in making the Titans a cohesive unit. Leading them to an undefeated season and state championship, Campbell was instrumental in the success of the defense. In the final game, Campbell came up with a pivotal strip sack that allowed the Titans to mount a comeback. And let’s be honest, if Julius Campbell sacks you, then stands over your body saying “You better get comfortable down there, real comfortable”…..you probably shouldn’t ever stand up again.

6. Earl Megget – RB – The Longest Yard: Did anyone know that Nelly was this fast? Because I didn’t. Earl Megget personified quickness and agility. On his very first carry in practice, the man ran clean out of his shoes. He ran full speed from the moment he touched the ball, hitting the line of scrimmage before the defense had time to react. Just when would-be tacklers had a bead on him, he would change directions with one step and be long gone. Earl Megget was basically the prison version of Barry Sanders. Off the field, he was soft spoken and hard to rattle. Even with the prison guards hurling horrific racial slurs at him, Megget kept his composure and spot on the team. Earl Megget might be the biggest reason the Mean Machine upset the prison guards in the weirdest football game ever played.

Poppa Bear is the Lead SEC Analyst for the SoBros Network, and serves as our resident expert on the human anatomy, fixin’ stuff, and tomatoes. Follow on Twitter:@SoBroPoppaBear

Check out the SoBros Shop. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.

Image courtesy of Ben Hershey on Unsplash!

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Get updates and learn from the best

More To Explore