Meth gators are apparently a potential thing that could exist if people don’t stop flushing their damn meth down the toilets in Loretto, Tennessee. That shit runs out into the rivers and could create these wicked beasts in Northern Alabama.
The Loretto (Tenn.) Police Department posted the warning to Facebook, saying drugs can affect wildlife after they’re disposed of in the toilet.
“Folks…please don’t flush your drugs m’kay. When you send something down the sewer pipe it ends up in our retention ponds for processing before it is sent down stream.” the post read.
“Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama.”
First of all, I just want to say that it is awesome to see a credible institution like a police force using the term ‘m’kay’ in a Facebook post.
Second of all, why are y’all flushing your drugs down the toilet, anyway? Wouldn’t it be much more environmentally friendly to just burn them out in your yard?
I don’t know – just seems like the thing to do unless the cops are breaking into your home cause…y’know…meth.
I keep reading stories like this, people, and honestly, it just makes me want to try meth. I mean, fuck – does it give you superpowers or something?!?! Because that’s how people talk about it. It’s like you become super human (not to be confused with Super Humman), and can do things ordinary humans can’t.
Don’t let the gators get a hold of that meth or else they’ll be come SUPER gators. I mean, shit – we can only read “don’t create meth [INSERT ANIMAL NAME HERE]” so many times before I eventually break and am like, “ALRIGHT, that’s it! I’m trying meth so I can become a superhero!”
(or, super villain. Y’all don’t know my life.)
I know that’s a really easy way to get yourself killed and obviously do not condone meth use, but this is a case where the media is very clearly playing tricks on us – stop planting these ideas in our heads. I have a good life – I don’t want to end up looking like one of the stone men of Valyria and living my life as king of the meth gators.
PS. Can someone please check on Cabana Man Dan? I know that’s CMD territory down there and he is too much of a treasure to lose to a meth gator.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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