Last year, Herbie Brooks ranked PK Subban as the potentially the most valuable Predator ever. He didn’t arrive at those numbers arbitrarily–he had an intense data team backing him up. Some arguments arose out of publishing the article, but none of them had the factual evidence that the SoBros Network has become known for producing. Our team has spent the last year and a half compiling data in order to back up our list of the greatest Predators of all time. Here is a glimpse at some of our research:
#10. Harvey Weinstein – $0
It’s hard to deny that Harvey Weinstein is one of the most cold-blooded carnivorous creatures in existence. Beyond the fact that he stands accused of sexual harassment and assault by 84 women, he has gone to great lengths to obscure reality and gaslight his victims by hiring ex-Mossad agents to track and vilify his accusers, gaslight anyone who spoke out, and currently serves as the seedy face of Hollywood abuse. Overall, he has earned the reputation of being an all around crude dude.
| Net Worth | $150 Million |
| Price Correction (For Being Worthless) | -$150Million |
| Total | $0 |
#9. A Polar Bear – $300
(Editor’s note: I’m cleaning this up for Ralph from over a year ago just to get it out of our queue and out into the world, and I have absolutely no idea why he valued the polar bear at $300 – was this a news story from February of 2018 that I’m not remembering? Anyway, polar bears are fucking sick predators and definitely deserve to be in the top 10 of this list. -SK)
#8. WWE’s Predator, Sylvester Terkay
A lot of “predators” exist in the world of professional, but how many of them can say they are THE predator? Former WWE mega-star Sylvester Terkay can say that. That’s why he’s here.
#7. A Great White Shark
If you are stranded in the middle of the ocean, there is absolutely nothing you can do if you encounter a great white shark. It is built for speed, with teeth that cut through damn near anything. It exists to be one of the greatest predators of all time.
#6. Apex Predator, Randy Orton
Sure, you have “predators,” but who is at the top? Who is the predator of all predators? That’s literally what “apex” means – Orton has made a living off of predatoring people for nearly two decades now. That definitely puts him in the upper echelon of predators.
#5. Chris Hansen
Wait – I thought Chris Hansen was the guy that CAUGHT predators….but wasn’t one himself….or are we calling him a predator because he was preying on people by writing bad checks to ’em? Wait – this was written a year and a half ago. That couldn’t be it. Ralph, I need ya buddy.
Side note: I never realized how much dark shit was on the internet about To Catch A Predator.
#4. Predator, from Alien Vs. Predator $3.6 Million
To be such an iconic predator, Predator sure isn’t worth a whole lot. Out on the field, in hand-to-hand combat, I don’t think anyone could take the Predator. So, why doesn’t his bank account reflect? Probably a very foreign understanding of Earthly currency and how to attain it. He doesn’t really need to, to be fair. But, we can’t, in good conscience, rank him higher on this list.
#3. Mike Fisher – $4.8 Million
No longer a Pred….FUCK I didn’t realize how hard it would be to finish an idea that has been sitting for a year and a half.
#2. Matt Duchene – $8 Million
Okay, I know Duchene is a Pred and I know he’s making some serious dough. Going to stick with the idea of having the top three be actual Nashville Predators, even though the surprise was ruined because you read #10 first. What are we even doing here?
#1. PK Subban – $9 Million + all the gold in our hearts
Yeah, no longer a Pred either….
Y’know what….now that I’ve gotten to this part of the list, I’m realizing I probably should’ve gotten around to finishing this article before Fisher retired and Subban was shipped to the New Jersey Devils.
Damn it.
“This is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever tried to complete at SoBros Network. I wrote all of this except for a few paragraphs, but I still believe in giving credit where credit is due and this was Ralph’s idea, so I just saw it through. It has been in our “drafts” queue for a year and a half. WTF? – Stoney Keeley”
Ralph Wiggum covers it all for The SoBros Network – breaking news, politics, technology, anything of importance going on in the world. He is also an expert turtle photographer.
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