Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, use #SoBrosMailbag to hit us up on Twitter.
Question:
Watched this new movie on Netflix called Someone Great and the soundtrack was phenomenal so I ask what are your Top 5 Soundtracks?
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) May 2, 2019
Not that anyone asked but here’s mine:
1. Parade aka Under the Cherry Moon Soundtrack
2. Baby Driver
3. Chef
4. Juno
5. Empire Records
Answer:
We’re going to have much different lists here, but I’m going:
- Space Jam
- Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 1
- Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2
- Drive
- Hustle & Flow
Question:
To all the SoBros, what is your best physical attribute?
— Armondo (@mightymondo) May 2, 2019
Answer:
For me, it has to be my ass. It’s my bread and butter. I mean, I’ve also received many a compliment on my piercing blue eyes, but mainly just the donk. It’s my fastball, Armondo. I just have to be honest here.
As for the rest of the SoBros:
Poppa Bear: What if we don’t have one?
Ralph Wiggum: I could be a knee model.
Herbie Brooks: You tell Armondo that I’m not superficial like that and we just love ourselves for who we are.
Smokey: My nipples. Seriously, they’re not too big and look very normal for a hairy man, which brings me to my second best attribute, my chest pubes.
Beta Ray Greg: Clearly it’s my ravishing good looks* sorry my looks at food ravishing.
Also Herbie Brooks: I’ve always been partial to my left index finger. The very tip of it was cut off when I was 4 and I got a cool scar on it now.
Rubber Rooster: hm, i guess i would go with my hair. i have a love/hate relationship with it but i have gotten a lot of compliments and women have come up to me asking me “where did you get your curls done?!” as if it’s a perm or something.
“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick: That’s easy. I’d have to say my legs. I’ve been mistaken for Carrie Underwood in that area a few times while wearing jorts.
“The General” John Mosley: It’s been rumored that these thighs could sink ships.
Herbie Brooks again: “Surprised no one has said their butthole yet.”
Question:
If the SoBros were Michael Cera movies, who would they be? This is more for @SoBrosMovies
— Beta Ray Greg (@BetaRayGreg) May 2, 2019
Answer:
Is there even a Michael Cera movie for every SoBro? I don’t know. I think Superbad, as a whole, is a very SoBro movie. I don’t feel like I can give you a good answer here, Greg. Cadbury is definitely Sausage Party, though.
Question:
What’s your favorite thing about each SoBro?
— Thicci Morton (@ThatsGottaBLane) May 2, 2019
Answer:
A lot to unpack here, Lane, and first of all, there are a lot of things I like about each of the SoBros, but since you’re asking for my one favorite thing, I’ll do my best to keep it at just one thing…
“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick – I admire Brandon’s willingness to work and learn, but I’m going to try and keep this as not-work-related as possible. It’s the wild, dreadfully dry sense of humor. It mirrors mine, but it’s nice to have that level of comfort with someone. We’ve said some awful things to each other, and sometimes yeah, we do kinda gasp and ask what is wrong with each other, but for the most part, it’s sharing laughs. It’s nice to have that with a friend.
Poppa Bear – It’s undoubtedly his ability to make friends wherever we go. He is a walking talking good time. You need friends like that – people that can cheer you up no matter what.
Cadbury – It’s easily his ambition. He’s a pretty dynamic and talented guy, but it’s the ambitious nature of his mind that’s allowed us to connect on a much deeper level than just dicking around and having a good time.
Rooster – It’s hard to quantify exactly what I mean by this, but I consider Rooster to be one of the most enriching friends I’ve ever made. You can have a good, fun, light-hearted conversation with her, or something deep an interesting. Honorable mention to her willingness to say “no, you’re wrong and here’s why” about something. We need that from time to time.
Herbie Brooks – His deep knowledge of things he’s passionate about – whether it’s Titans, Preds (which are usually conversations I can’t keep up with), Marvel, or Game of Thrones, you can always have a very thorough and interesting conversation with the guy. That shines in Hockey Tonkin’, but you don’t get the full extent of it until you’re on a random True Detective tirade with him.
Smokey – He’s a teacher. Smokey handles a lot of our back end stuff. Didn’t and doesn’t have to, but takes time to explain things to me and has made himself invaluable to us.
Ralph Wiggum – A long time friend – see what I said about Smokey, and add some completely insane stories he’s shared with us to that.
“The General” John Mosley – One thing? That’s hard. I think I’d say it’s his spirit. Whether he realizes it or not, he has the spirit of a champion – he’s steadfast, willing to work and build relationships, and is a guy who has vision and the will to enact upon it.
Joshua Huffman – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – we don’t deserve Huffman’s abilities. Dude could get a gig with any website he wanted to, but chose to help us out. Huffman also got me my first gig as a writer – that sense of loyalty is always appreciated.
Beta Ray Greg – Oh, it’s easy – hands down, his enthusiasm. For like…..everything. I dare anyone to try having a conversation with Greg and not feeling happier about it.
Stan – Stan’s a complete wild card who is completely up for anything and everything. Friendships that start the way ours did eight years ago don’t usually pan out. That’s just the reality of things (maybe you guys will get the full history of Stoney and Stan one day – it’s a great story). But, Stan’s a loyal guy who kept that connection open with me and now look where we are.
Question:
How many times and how intense did you cry during Endgame?
— just a mark (@thebrettclark) May 2, 2019
Answer:
Hard to say without giving away spoilers, but there were at least five times I had to bite the shit out of my own lip. The dam finally gave way at the end during that one conversation about cheeseburgers.
Question:
Top 5 cities that would be great for a draft besides Nashville, New York, Philly, Dallas and Chicago. Vegas will be pretty sweet IMO
— WKRN Brent Remadna (@RemadnaWKRN) May 2, 2019
Answer:
If there’s a city in the U.S. that has a chance of duplicating the fanfare that the Music City showed, it’s Vegas, so I’m with you there, Brent. I’d also put San Francisco in the rotation. Seattle, Austin maybe? (I’ve never been – just basing this one off of reputation), and Miami.
Question:
If you were going to throw a party and had a playlist of early 2000s rap…what would be on that playlist?
— Righteousjesse (@RighteousJesse) May 2, 2019
Answer:
Lil Jon, Nelly, 50 Cent, Petey Pablo, Ludacris, Chingy, The Game – LFG! LFGOOOOOOOO!
Question:
If you were Thanos and you had an intergalactic TV and an addiction to Skinemax after hours, which two or more celebrities would you put together and why
— Cenobite Toast Crunch (@Xenoxands) May 2, 2019
Answer:
That’s a tough one, E. Give me some weird fanfic erotica – Christian Bale as Batman on Evangeline Lilly as Wasp. Gangrel can film it. God, I feel weird typing this.
Question:
How did Andy Dufresne reattach the poster to the wall of his cell after escaping in Shawshank?
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) May 2, 2019
Answer:
Since I have not seen any movie made before the year 2000, I’ll have to defer to the other SoBros for this one:
Poppa Bear: In the sequence where it showed Andy actually using the rock hammer to make the hole, it showed him working behind the poster as it was still attached to the wall.
Mose: Andy seems to be a big proponent of scotch tape so I always imagine him getting into the hole then carefully lifting the poster back allowing it to fall back in place with the tape at the top.
None of this means anything to me.
Question:
Would you rather swallow your best friend once or swallow yourself every time you jerked off?
— sobrostan (@sobrostan) May 3, 2019
Answer:
First of all, Stan, I love the energy you bring to the mailbag each and every week.
Second of all, I’m going with the best friend once. Otherwise, you’re adding a step to the process every time I enact it. That’s just inefficient.
Plus, you’re not even taking into account the taste and experience. What if I think it tastes bad? I have a quick gag reflex. I don’t want to go through the process of gagging and not knowing if I’m going to throw up or not EVERY SINGLE TIME. Splooge or not, it could be hot mustard spurting out and I think it’d still be tough to get through.
Best to just get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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