The War on Humans: Polar Bears Are Invading Parts of Russia
Here at SoBros Network, the preeminent institution of high journalism, we’ve covered the rumblings of war against human beings extensively. For years now, the sheeple have been blind to various members of the animal kingdom rising up in an effort to take back the Earth. We have brought these incidents to late. The latest in this string of animal uprisings comes from Russia, where polar bears are invading a small community.
Russian environmental authorities have deployed a team of specialists to a remote Arctic region to sedate and remove dozens of hungry polar bears that have besieged the people living there.
The move came after officials in the Novaya Zemlya archipelago, with a population of about 3,000 people, appealed for help.
“There’s never been such a mass invasion of polar bears,” said Zhigansha Musin, the head of the local administration. “They have literally been chasing people.”
Alexander Minayev, the region’s deputy head, added: “People are scared, and afraid to leave their homes. Parents are unwilling to let their children go to school or nursery.” A state of emergency has been declared in the region.
Y’all gotta get outta there. There’s no other option at this point. This community belongs to the polar bears now. You humans have to think about the war at this point – be willing to lose a battle every now and then if it means a greater likelihood of winning the war.
Quite frankly, 3,000 people is not enough to take on an army of hungry polar bears. If you look at the photos from the Guardian article, they’re breaking into people’s houses and everything. It’s just pure pandemonium. It’s at a level where I don’t think even passing out jars of honey and jars of peanut butter will help.
If you’re on the scene and reading this, my advice would be to evacuate the town and don’t look back.
It’s happening. This is not a drill. The war on humans has begun.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley