Kid Rock is just the gift that keeps on giving for Nashville content creators. First of all, he exists. So, that’s like a ticking time bomb….you never know when it’s going to go off and you’re going to get a gold mine. Second, we had the whole debacle surrounding the Nashville Christmas Parade, and I’m still not convinced that the man doesn’t come out of this as the mayor of Nashville. Now, we’ve got the latest controversy surrounding Kid Rock, and SPOILER ALERT – it’s just like everything else that we’ve reported the last couple of months: ridiculous.
Like a frog being boiled slowly, Nashville never responded to the increasing crassness of Lower Broadway’s bar industrial complex until it was too late. Now Music City is stuck with Kid Rock showing his ass to the world.
Or at least a cartoon caricature of a woman’s derriere. The image is the centerpiece of a 20-foot lighted sign that is set to grace Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N’ Roll Steakhouse, the rap-rock-country performer’s new mega-venue on Nashville’s main drag. Last week, the city’s Metro Council got involved because Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N’ Roll Steakhouse — KRBAHTRNRS for short — needed permission for an aerial encroachment. And if this signage were just the garden variety of stupid that hangs off the sides of some of Lower Broad’s bars, it would have been fine.
But the KRBAHTRNRS sign is not your garden variety of stupid.
The collage somehow manages to incorporate a donkey, a guitar and the aforementioned ass — all of it a good representation of what’s inside.
I know it’s turn of phrase, but is it going to be a surprise if we get a story about Kid Rock literally showing his ass by the end of 2019? I won’t. And, the fucked up thing is, I’m not rooting against that. You don’t think I’ll sit down and write 300 words on Kid Rock’s ass? That’s classic SoBros content. I’m actually thinking about hiring someone JUST to cover Kid Rock’s day to day life.
A donkey, a guitar, and an actual ass – it doesn’t get more Broadway than that, folks. But, you can’t put all that text on the sign. No one’s going to read that comically long restaurant title, so what’s a country-rock-rapper to do? You put some vivid imagery up to hopefully attract some passers by. Kid Rock probably thought, “man, what are my favorite things? GUITARS AND ASS! Let’s put some neon up on this bitch!”
No clue where the donkey came from but here we are. Probably just thought it was funny. “What if we throw a donkey up there, too? Huhuhuhuhuh”
When it came time to vote for the aerial encroachment, three Nashville Metro Council members opposed hanging a woman’s bare buttocks over the city’s busiest tourist area. Alas, the sign was approved anyway. Council member Kathleen Murphy voted no even though the council’s lawyer had warned that KRBAHTRNRS enjoyed first amendment privileges regarding the actual content of the sign, if not the placement of it. Most of the council felt like they had to vote in favor even if it was in bad taste.
“Now we’ve got a big ass sign,” Murphy tells Rolling Stone. “What’s next? Should we expect other parts of the body to be shaking and wiggling on our skyline? We need to decide what we want to be. Do we want downtown to look more like Vegas? Or do we want downtown to be somewhere that people of all ages can go and feel welcome.”
To be fair, Rolling Stone, they aren’t literally hanging a woman’s bare ass on Broadway – that would be graphic and likely morbid.
But, man – how bad do the council members look here. Just rolling over and letting the neon ass go up. I mean, yeah – maybe they end up with a lawsuit on their hands, but if you stand opposed to something….shouldn’t you…y’know, stand opposed to it? I don’t know – honestly, I’m not really all that bothered by it. I’ve seen much worse on Broadway, believe me. I don’t even care if y’all want to start erecting big neon dicks on rooftop bars. That’s what Nashville is these days, anyway. If you go out on Friday or Saturday night, you’re going to see plastic dicks everywhere. It’s an inevitability since we’ve become the bachelorette party capitol of the world.
“Now we’ve got a big ass sign.” Yes you do, and oh honey, bless your heart – there hasn’t been anything for families to do in Nashville since Opryland closed.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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