Respect: This Squirrel Is a Damned Taco Bandit

 In Humor

I declared war on squirrels back in January of this year. They’re just rotten little shits who climb all around our attic like it’s the damn Romper Room up in here. Ruining my sleep schedule and probably doing thousands of dollars worth of damage to our apartment that the landlords just don’t seem to give a shit about. But, I am willing to put our differences aside, at least for the 300 words this quick little post is going to bring. I have to recognize this tenacious little fucker for pulling off what could easily be the heist of the century.


That’s all I have to say.

I don’t know what this little creature had to do to procure that taco, but it did what it had to do. And, who doesn’t love a good taco? I admire the determination of this squirrel. Clearly, it has ambition and vision, and took the necessary steps to make its dreams come true.

Now, I would advise the people in this apartment complex to quit leaving fucking tacos lying around. That just seems like a general poor health practice and could most definitely lead to infestations of many sorts. But, I’m not here to judge people. You can smear tacos all over your naked bodies for all I care. Just trying to pass along some neighborly advice so that you don’t end up in a position where the “maintenance man” shows up with a BB gun to shoot the squirrels (because that’s a practical solution to this problem) because the old lady downstairs wouldn’t stop feeding them tacos.

Have your day squirrel eating a taco. Tomorrow, it’s back to war.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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