Sometimes, You Just Gotta Take a Shit on an Arena Floor in the Middle of a Basketball Game

 In Humor

Shit is literally popping off after that Memphis-Tennessee game. I mean, yeah you have this weird ongoing saga between Rick Barnes and Penny Hardaway. That has people talking and damn sure seems to have reignited some juice into this rivalry. But, let’s talk about the REAL story coming out of that game: this dude who took a dump behind a concession stand in the FedEx Forum.

Courtesy of WREG Memphis:

While the Memphis Tigers basketball team took on the No. 3 Tennessee Volunteers, a man at the sold-out FedEx Forum took care of his number two business and was subsequently arrested.

A security guard was making her way from a stairwell and saw the man, later identified as 46-year-old Royce Thomos Lodholz, squatting behind a concession stand. She went over to Lodholz and found that he had his pants off his body, exposing himself to several people walking nearby, and was defecating on the floor.

The security guard called for her partner, who saw the same thing.

Lodholz told police officers that people in the restrooms were taking too long to clear out, so “he had to do what he had to do,” according to a police affidavit.

I could easily turn this into a Nashville vs. Memphis thing, but I’m not going to. It might not be popular around these parts, but I actually like Memphis. Am I surprised that someone from Memphis is shitting on floors in public? No, but let’s not be all high and mighty, Nashville – how many of us have puked and pissed in public after a night out? As a whole, Tennesseans just need to #BeBetter about their bodily functions.

But, back to this story – hey, listen. The man has a point. Sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. At least he popped a squat behind a concession stand. It’s not like he was out in the wide open – people could only see him if they walked by. I’m sure people understand – and really, THEY should be the ones arrested for being perverts. Who looks at a man shitting?

From a sanitary standpoint, I’m sure they already put the food away anyway. The popcorn probably smelled a little funny, but you get over that smell pretty quickly.

I didn’t know you could be arrested for being logical, but it appears that’s the case here. People takin’ too long in the bathroom, you’re forced to come up with some creative solutions or you risk ruining a good pair of Wranglers. I think we should launch a GoFundMe for this guy – what do y’all think?

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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