Tank the 401k: ‘I Give Up’ Edition (2018)
Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
I don’t know for sure that I’ve already done an ‘I give up’ edition of Tank the 401k, but I’m assuming I probably have because I give up a lot when it comes to Tank the 401k. I thought I was finally going to get back in the win column last week with the Saints -6, but alas that fumble through the end zone kept me in the damn loss column. Six straight losing weeks after starting 8-1-1. Tsk, tsk. I’m a failure of life.
But, I only have two options here. One, I can drown my sorrow by butt chugging a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Or, two, I can get the shovel and dig myself out of this hole, ladies and gentlemen! That’s how it works – just going to keep digging and eventually I’ll come out in China.
It’s my last Tank the 401k of 2018. LFG.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NFL: Los Angeles Chargers -4.5 vs. Baltimore – The Ravens have shown a lot of fight in recent weeks, but the competition is about to take a drastic step up in the form of the AFC’s most complete team. They’re just 3-4 on the road this season, compared to 5-2 at home – with this game taking place in Los Angeles, I’m taking the Chargers.
NFL: Miami -4.5 vs. Jacksonville – I don’t know that I’d trust the Jags to beat anybody right now. With the game in Miami and with the Fins still in the hunt for the playoffs, I think they run the Jags out of the stadium.
NFL: Chicago -4 @ San Francisco – Big win for the Niners last week, and boy – Nick Mullens is quite the story, isn’t he? But, they’re about to host a hungry Bears team that boasts one of if not the best defense in the NFL that’s still in contention for a first round bye. I like ’em big in the Bay this week.
NFL: New Orleans -5.5 vs. Pittsburgh – Home field advantage may not be as critical anywhere in the NFL as it is in New Orleans. No one wants to play in the Superdome, the Saints know that, and will be on a death march to secure it throughout the playoffs. The Steelers had a big win last week, but they’ve been inconsistent this season.
NFL: Denver -2.5 @ Oakland – This one’s simple – the Raiders suck.
W-L Record: (8-7-1)
Last Week: (2-3)
On the Season: (46-29-3) – 61%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley