The name is Flamingo.
Dick Flamingo.
It’s time for me to drop some common sense.
Welcome back to Dick Flamingo by Dick Flamingo. There’s way too damn much bullshit in the world. People dressing real fancy. Eatin’ fancy steaks and crepes. Driving designer Volkswagens and wearing Michael Coors like a bunch of got damn sheep.
Well, I got news for that high part of society – you can’t take all that bullshit to the grave with you. If you die, let me tell you – the fuckin’ worms ain’t gonna give a lick if you have on a $500 pair of New Balances. Put a diamond butt plug in your anus and it won’t mean a thing.
It’s wasteful. And, all of these singers and musicians these days are doing is promoting that sort of fairy tale. It’s irresponsible. You gotta teach people to love what they have – write about what they can’t relate to. Don’t make ’em feel like shit because they can’t afford to rent a pontoon boat for a Saturday.
Ever since I moved to Nashville, I’ve noticed it real bad in country music. You see all kinds of chicken dicks with washboard abs singing about big mud tires, Fireball whiskey, and girls with earrings. Fancy shit that doesn’t matter. Just a castle that most people can’t afford. It’s the great lie – that you can just work hard and have things fall in your lap. That’s bullshit.
That’s why I appreciate a guy like Wheeler Walker, Jr. coming around and being fearless. He sings about what matters and what speaks to people. He’s not going to sugar coat anything – he’s going to write and sing about thing that everybody can enjoy – tits and buttholes. Something everybody has access to, even if it is your own. That’s freedom. Hell, that’s the epitome of freedom.
Nobody sang about what love is really like before Wheeler came out. I don’t recall any song on the Big 98 talking about smoking weed. Well, guess what – PEOPLE SMOKE WEED. People don’t drive Ferraris and poop sparkles. People smoke weed, eat bologna, and FUCK. That’s what we do – that’s the heart of America. Not all this fancy bullshit – real emotions.
Wheeler is a champion of real emotions. He writes REAL music for REAL people.
That’s why you see him taking over the Music City with his honesty. People are getting tired of the same old shit – we want to get back to real country. The stuff we can relate to. More people need to wake up and realize this. When they do, hot shit boys and girls – you better hold on to your buttholes. The world’s gonna be Wheeler’s.
Anyway, this has been another Dick Flamingo essay and I’ll talk to y’all next time. Check out my last piece about how Thanksgiving is a second tier sex holiday.
Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo
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