Christmas is just around the corner, and you undoubtedly have a list of assholes a mile wide to buy for. Well, don’t fret – we have you covered. It’s what we do here – take care of the people. So, the mega minds that form the SoBros Network got together and manufactured the finest holiday shopping guide you will EVER find on any of the internets. Please take our ideas seriously as you hit the stores this holiday season.
The 2018 Holiday Shopping Guide for Humans
10. “A gift card to ANY liquor store” –“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick – Everyone loves booze, right? Even if you’re buying for an alcoholic, and you know you really shouldn’t, you at least know that they will love the gift.
9. Marvel Studios’ Captain Marvel Prelude – Don’t let your friends go to see Captain Marvel next March without reading the prelude comic books. Everyone will appreciate a good comic for Christmas, and you can read Beta Ray Greg’s review here.
8. A stainless steel personalized whistle – Who wouldn’t want a whistle with their own name on it? Or, even someone else’s name! That special someone of your’s a big Don Cheadle fan? Put ‘Don Cheadle’ on the whistle! When you can personalize something like this, the possibilities are endless. Plus, it’s stainless steel! Stainless steel anything is a quality item.
7. “The new Spider-Man game for PS4 even if they don’t have a PS4.” -Vick – I’ll say, this Spider-Man game is the sensation that’s sweeping the nation. I don’t play video games, but I know Brandon and the rest of the SoBros team do, and they’re all pumped to play this game. Poppa Bear has it, and I’m eagerly awaiting the chance to go watch him play it. Yes, I’m that dude. I’m happy you’re all happy, but I have no desire to play video games. So, in that regard, Brandon’s right – you don’t need a PS4 to appreciate this game.
6. Homemade sausage – They sell it at the dump off of Stewart’s Ferry Pike heading from Mount Juliet to Gladeville. Fill up your cooler and put a log of dump sausage in all of your loved one’s stocking this Christmas.
5. “Mac and Cheese candy canes” -Rubber Rooster – You can order these and myriad of other flavors, including clams, pickles, and coal, from Archie McPhee. I don’t understand how anyone can taste anything even remotely sweet. Rooster said it just tasted like sugar, I’ve seen these things featured on morning talk shows where people are like, “oh this just tastes sweet.” They even advertise them as “smells like cheese, tastes like sugar.”
That is not the experience that I had.
I could not detect any distinction between the smell and the flavor. All I tasted was the smell – it tasted like a sweaty gym sock. Not an ounce of sweetness. It was repulsive. The weird thing for me was that the harder I sucked, the more it tasted like cheese (that’s what she said). So, I tried to power through the foot taste, because it had a nice Velveeta flavor at the core of the candy cane. NOWHERE in this process did I taste anything remotely sweet. Not once. So weird.
Nonetheless, pick up a box for your loved ones today!
4. “A nice pair of La Sportiva Nepal EVO GTX boots” -Vick – Brandon has always been a big fan of mountaineering, so it’s no surprise to me that he recommends a pair of boots such as these:
3. Mama’s Family on DVD – Did you know you can get the entire series of Mama’s Family on DVD for the low price of $53.99 on Wal-Mart.com??? That’s a steal and everyone loves Mama’s Family! And, if you don’t, it’s solely because you haven’t seen Mama’s Family yet. Therefore, this DVD box set is literally the perfect gift.
2. “427 #VicksFlicks stickers” – Vick – Precisely 427 of these stickers….no more, no less….
1. “Something stylish, comfortable, and reasonably priced…..like a shirt from the SoBros Shop.” – Cadbury – It’s an excellent call. Check out SoBros Shop today.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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