Big Unit Named Knickers Says “Fuck Getting Eaten”

 In Humor, News

Get a load of this absolute unit named Knickers.

This big hoss is in line for the Big Hoss Hall of Fame. Look at how he just towers over all of the other steer – he stands at “194 centimetres tall and weighs about 1,400 kilograms,” but I’m an American who is too lazy to look up what that exactly means, so you’ll just have to take that for face value unless you know what it means. Regardless, what I do have is two semi-functioning eyes that tell me that that motherfucker is a giant among men. Or steer.

But, not only is he a “big country,” but he’s also quite the badass. Turns out, the dude is dodging the butcher’s table. I’m going to question why, but for now, check out the details.

Courtesy of Global News:

A massive Australian cow named Knickers has been spared the slaughterhouse and the dinner table thanks to its sheer size.

The behemoth bovine hails from a farm in the town of Myalup in Western Australia and was recently saved from the barbecue because of its size, standing nearly two metres tall and weighing more than a car.

“He was too big to go into the export plant’s chain,” Geoff Pearson, the steer’s owner, told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC). “We have a high turnover of cattle, and he was lucky enough to stay behind.”

Listen, I’m not all about the big tough guy routine online…just not like me to blatantly call someone out. But, I’m going to call out Geoff fucking Person right here and right now.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You can’t tell me there’s no way to turn Knickers into steak. Just be transparent with us, Geoff – you’re afraid of Knickers. Knickers owns your soul.

I don’t think anyone would take issue with you saying that. Like, all you’d have to do is come out and say, “um, look at this big motherfucker – I ain’t gettin’ near him.” People would undoubtedly understand. Instead, you just look weak. Now the big boy has all the leverage on you. The best course of action to take would have been to just ignore it all. That’s what I do with my problems, and I’m doing great.

But, this win does give Knickers a new responsibility. He’s going to have to use his newfound power to protect the other steer. Something tells me this thick jug will rise to the occasion.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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