I’m Full Steam Ahead on the Taco Bell Party

 In Humor, News

Have you ever been in need of a party venue, but found that you just can’t find one that you’re happy with? Ever thought, “man, if I could only host this party at Taco Bell, all of my problems would be solved?” Well, this is the story for you, folks. The Taco Bell party is a legitimate possibility now because Taco Bell has opened their fine establishments for parties. Boom – let that last sentence sink in.

Courtesy of Delish:

Taco Bell enthusiasts can now take their fandom to the next level by hosting a party at a Taco Bell restaurant. The chain just announced the pilot introduction of “PARTY by Taco Bell,” which will allow people to book a party at select Taco Bell locations through December 22.

Per its website, Taco Bell envisions people utilizing the new entertaining opportunity for “life’s biggest milestones or those ‘just because’ occasions.”

Fuck yeah, LFG.

I’ve been looking at potential locations for the 2018 SoBros Awards, and this just may be the one. If you’ve ever spent any amount of time with the SoBros at all, then you already know that that is going to be one stinky ass room, but man it is going to be fun. That’s the trade off with this team.

But, I could also use the Taco Bell to celebrate some of my own milestones. For instance, I just found out that I have a child in Mississippi somewhere – first stop? Taco Bell. Call all the relatives. We’re going to raise a glass of fire sauce to toast to.

I never had a proper graduation party from when I got my degree from the Harvard of the South (MTSU), so why not call everyone up and finally have that party?

Maybe you could even have your honeymoon there if you wanted to – nothing gets young couple fuckin’ like Taco Bell.

PARTY by Taco Bell is beginning in locations across the country, including Cleveland, New York, Dallas, and Newport Beach. The program allows you to reserve a time and place for up to ten people on TacoBellParty.com. Once you arrive to your party spot, a Taco Bell Party Decor Kit will be waiting for you. The kits come with a table runner, plates, and fun photo props to ensure ample Instagram opportunities.

The decor kits are available in two designs: Feeling Luxe (“a sleek variety with gold and black color patterns”) and Feeling Electric (“a 90s aesthetic color palette with bold, vibrant colors). You can of course order your favorite Taco Bell menu items once you’re there.

No party is complete without balloons, so rest assured you can add hot sauce packet balloons to your package for $16. There are three balloons: Mild, Hot, and Fire sauce.

I can’t remember the last time I got news this good. For fuck’s sake, you even get plates! The only thing that would make it better is if you got that talking chihuahua gruntin’ out that ‘yo quiero Taco Bell’ shit all night.

You have options based on how swanky you plan on getting. Feeling more casual? Thinking of hosting a Saved by the Bell themed party? Then they have a fun 90s package for you (that’s what she said). Does this event technically classify as a suare? Then, you can get luxurious black and gold decorations.

Just don’t forget the condoms.

This is a huge deal for Taco Bell – no doubt stock is going to be soaring once this thing takes off. If there was a way I could mail them a kidney in exchange for a few shares, then you know that thing would already be in a box on its way out there.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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