Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
I said it last week – I was flirting with gas. Well, I flirted so hard that I bursted that bitch up into flames. My first losing week of the season….SMDH. I’m not going to lie, guys – I’m pretty down about this. Going 2-3 in a weekly betting column that you don’t actually put money on could rip the soul out of a lesser man. Especially one that might have literally bet his house on my picks.
But, if you take anything away from SoBros Network, it should be that we are idiots. So, hopefully, no one’s doing that. Anyway, I’m trying as hard as I can to be strong in the face of this adversity.
In the past, I would’ve done something crazy like come out and make 16 picks, try to go 16-0 and get back on top. But since I’m having such a decent season so far, I’m just going to stay the course. I am a much more mature 32 year old man than I was last year. So, let’s stop the whining and do the only thing that can correct course: make fuckin’ picks.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NFL: Philadelphia @ New York Giants, OVER 44 – Big time rivalry showdown on Thursday Night Football. I think this is going to be a close game, but it could honestly swing in either direction. All signs point to the under being the play here, but if you look at how bad the Giants defense has played in the last two weeks, the door is open for the Eagles to correct their sputtering offense. Meanwhile, if you look at how receivers like Julio Jones, DeSean Jackson, and Corey Davis have performed against that Eagles secondary, you certainly think that bodes well for Odell Beckham, Jr.. An offensive breakout is possible for both teams. This one turns into a 31-28 type of game.
NCAAF: Florida @ Vanderbilt, OVER 50.5 – Florida is nationally underrated as a point producer. You can see Dan Mullen’s fingerprints all over this offense, as it just continues to get better. Meanwhile, Vanderbilt’s defense just seems to keep getting worse, allowing 35 PPG over their last three. The Gators have shwon a propensity to hang points on inferior opponents and that’s just what the Commodores are right now. I like this one to end with a 37-17 type of score.
NCAAF: Northwestern -4 vs. Nebraska – The Wildcats may seem like a prime regression candidate after upsetting Michigan State last week, but this one’s based on talent alone. The Cornhuskers just plain lack good football players. Scott Frost looks like he’s helming one of if not the worst Nebraska team of all time. Meanwhile, Northwestern seems to have found their groove in the last couple of weeks. I like ’em to win big at home this weekend.
NFL: Atlanta -3.5 vs. Tampa Bay – I think we’ve found out who the Bucs actually are in 2018. They’re going to make things interesting in the NFC South, but probably won’t make much more noise than that. The Falcons are desperate for a win here and will use that home field advantage to win this one comfortably.
NFL: Buffalo +9.5 @ Houston – Do we trust the Texans to really blow out anyone in the NFL? This Bills defense seems to be finding its footing, Josh Allen is growing more and more comfortable and confident. I don’t know that they win this game, but it’s going to be much closer than this spread would indicate.
W-L Record: (4-1-1)
Last Week: (2-3)
On the Season: (18-10-1) – 64%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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