It’s a cold world out there, folks. Sometimes, we’re reminded of that, then at other times, we’re the ones doing the reminding. But, it’s important to remember – and in the story you’re here to read today, you’ll read about one savage kid who showed his parents just how cruel the universe can be.
A child, a paper shredder and envelope full of cash. You know where this story is going.
Ben Belknap is a huge Utah Utes football fan.
First of all, I didn’t realize huge Utah Utes fans existed. But, as an Alabama fan who hasn’t forgotten that 2009 Sugar Bowl, I will proudly enjoy this story as a measure of revenge. HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK – good one, Stoney. Nothing will improve the perception of entitled Alabama fans like making jokes that imply you’re still holding on to an absolutely meaningless loss from nearly 10 full calendar years ago.
When his parents bought him season tickets, he and his wife Jackee decided to pay them back.
So they saved up enough cash and put it in an envelope to give to them in person.
What’s the dynamic here? Like, why do you just up and decide to pay them back? I don’t get a new t-shirt at Christmas and then think, “you know what, Mama? Let me give you $30!”
It sounds to me like this kid was onto something. This kid needed to remind his parents to not be so dumb.
This past weekend, though, the envelope disappeared.
After tearful consideration, Jackee realized her son Leo had shredded the money – more than $1,000.
That’s life, mom. Sometimes, you get a dollar ahead. Other times, you get your dollars thrown in the shredder. You might’ve needed to be reminded of that, and it sounds like your son was mature enough to know when to spot a good teaching moment.
Either way, this kid pulled a big time alpha move. He knew he couldn’t physically assert dominance, so he hit ’em where it hurts. He took hold of their financial situation and seized a measure of control. It was a major statement, and I can honestly say that I’m proud of him for it.
But, this is like Erik Killmonger levels of destabilization – look at what he did to Wakanda. Shit…maybe this kid’s the next Killmonger. We don’t know. A lot of moving parts to dissect.
Luckily, the Belknaps could get it all back through a government department dedicated to mutilated money.
Ben Belnap checked and got the answer from Uncle Sam. “He said, ‘Bag it up in little Ziploc bags, mail it to D.C., and in one to two years, you’ll get your money back.'”
TWO TO THREE YEARS?!?! I mean, it’s better than not getting it back at all, but shit. That’s a long time. A million percent chance I’d forget all about this money by then.
Folks – the moral of this story is that you should never try to pay people back for doing nice things for you. Hold your loved ones a little tighter tonight.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Subscribe to our Patreon. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube.
