The NFL – Dick Flamingo

 In Dick Flamingo, Humor

The name is Flamingo.

Dick Flamingo.

It’s time for me to drop some common sense.

People are pissed at the NFL, but I just don’t get it. They’re saying that we’re pussifying the game by making all these rules to protect players and shit. As best as I can tell, players are kneeling in protest of these rule changes. But, it’s not doing much good.

Old heads whining about “back in my day.” Well, from the looks of things, on Sunday, that didn’t mean shit. People still got laid out, so your facts are wrong. Stop whining.

Look at Taylor Lewan – how much did the rules protect him? Andre Branch, acting like a bitch, hit him when he wasn’t looking on a dirty play and knocked him clean out. Then, as he’s walking to the locker room, Branch is shouting “body bag” towards Lewan. It was a bush league move, but where were the rules there? These hits are gonna keep happening.

Doesn’t make sense, but people want to argue about something that isn’t there. Football ain’t a safe game because it’s a bunch of big boys running around hitting each other. DUH! EARTH TO DUMBASS! You couldn’t pussify football if you made ’em play in tutus. You couldn’t pussify football if you turned it into a literal vergina. That’s…you know what I’m saying. You can’t make football pussy shit because it’s tough by its own nature.

A dog is gonna be a dog and football is gonna be football no matter how much we try to protect Tom Brady. Know what I’m saying?

Personally, I’m gonna love football because I love football. That simple.

If it were left up to me, I wouldn’t just make all hits legal, but I’d let the players bring a weapon of their own choosing to the field. You want to take someone out? Well, his boys are gonna roll up on you with a stack of dimes and a flamethrower. Best be ready to collect, as they say. Or pay up. I don’t fucking know spressions.

If people want to destroy their bodies for my entertainment, that’s not on me. This is America, damn it. It’s not the land of the whiners. It’s the land OF THE FREE!

Anyway, this has been another Dick Flamingo essay and I’ll talk to y’all next time.

Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo

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