Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
Shit.
I was wayyyyyy off on my two college picks last week. I really went in hard on Northwestern, and that bit me in the ass. Also, went on the internet, in front of a whopping ~30 people, and said South Carolina might make it a game against Georgia. LOL.
Regardless, I still came out 3-2, and a win is a win is a win, folks. I’m now 2-0 this season, but I’m definitely going to tout that too much. I did last week, and look what happened. I nearly shit the bed.
Nonetheless, the season rolls on, and your boy has games to pick, so let’s get to it!
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Vanderbilt +14.5 @ Notre Dame – I really want to pick the ‘Dores to pull off this upset outright, but they just haven’t proven that they can win a big game like this under Derek Mason. That said, they’re playing lights out right now, and Notre Dame struggled against Ball State. Conventional wisdom might dictate that the Irish come out eager to prove themselves in this game, but I think the Vanderbilt offense matches up better with Notre Dame’s defense than we’re giving them credit for. This is a close one.
NCAAF: South Carolina -13.5 vs. Marshall – I know the Thundering Herd is 2-0, but they’re far and away outclassed by the Gamecocks. This seems like an overreaction to South Carolina’s loss last week. Jake Bentley could lead this team to a 20+ point victory in this spot.
NCAAF: Missouri -7 @ Purdue – It’s simple. I don’t like going against a home dog like this, but Purdue has played like shit and Mizzou’s offense is playing lights out. I think Drew Lock and company get their revenge from last year’s drumming. It will be passionate.
NFL: Kansas City +5 @ Pittsburgh – Don’t get this one at all. Just seems like a weird number. There may be trouble in paradise with the Steelers and the Chiefs look absolutely deadly on offense. Andy Reid and company get to 2-0.
NFL: New York Giants +3 @ Dallas – The Giants have a pretty good defense and hung in there with the reigning AFC runners-up. They easily could have won that game, whereas the Cowboys looked inept from the jump. I actually think the Giants are a sneaky playoff team this season in the NFC. Big win for Big Blue.
W-L Record: (2-0)
Last Week: (3-2)
On the Season: (8-2) – 80%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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