Movie Review Rewind: Colombiana (2011)

 In Movie Review Rewind, Movie Reviews, Movies

Zoe Saldana gets to headline her first movie after finding success with Avatar and Star Trek and being in actioners like Takers and The Losers. And while Saldana has what it takes to become the next female action star, Colombiana isn’t the movie that will take her to the next level. It looks like Angelina Jolie will have the crown for the foreseeable future. With that said, Saldana is not the problem with this movie and it is not a terrible one either. Even for the genre it is made for, I have seen a lot worse, but Colombiana is too predictable and generic. And no matter how much violence or explosions there are, it fails to impress.

Saldana plays Cataleya who witnesses the murder of her parents when she was a little girl, and ever since that day, she has wanted to be a killer. As she grows up, she carries this anger and hate with her and with the help of her uncle (Cliff Curtis), she becomes a beautiful, stone-cold assassin. However, she is doing more than just killing the people she is told to kill. She begins these vigilante murders on the side to capture the attention and send a message to the mobsters who killed her parents.

So it is safe to bet that she kills quite a few people in the process and finds her ultimate target. The story is simplistic and parts of it are just flat-out crazy. I mean when a little girl tells her uncle she wants to be a killer and no one in the family even acts surprised, it’s a little weird and borderline ridiculous.

Director Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3)  knows how to shoot fighting sequences and deliver some over-the-top action. But instead of having Jason Statham star in the movie, he got Saldana instead. He is lucky to have her because she brings a lot to the movie. She has the talent, looks, and the physical capabilities to make this whole thing look better than what it really is.

And Megaton tries to give Saldana’s Catelya a love interest and notice I said ‘tries.’ Michael Vartan (Alias) plays Danny, an artist who hardly knows Catelya but for some reason gives her a key to his place anyway. I mean he doesn’t even know her real name! So, of course, their romance never feels legitimate and doesn’t even need to be a part of the movie.

Now I hate picking on Megaton, but he kind of deserves it. However, he does make Colombiana exciting, and while it is a wild ride, it is a fun one for the most part. But just like with a lot of action movies, the story suffers and the directors hope the insanity that surrounds it will make you not notice. They are wrong every time.

“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick is the resident film critic of the SoBros Network, and star of Brandon’s Box Office In Your Mouth. Follow him on Twitter@SirBrandonV and be sure to search #VicksFlicks for all of his latest movie reviews.

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