Stealing $1.2 Million Worth of Fajitas Is Wrong, but Would Make for an Epic Cinco De Mayo Party

Share This Post

We all want to be good hosts when we have company. That’s just a given – especially in this part of the country. Southern hospitality and what have you. And, with Cinco de Mayo around the corner, I can certainly understand the mounting pressure to deliver. That said, I still don’t think I could reasonably recommend stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas.

Courtesy of WKRN:

A former South Texas juvenile justice department employee has been sentenced to 50 years in prison for felony theft after authorities say he acknowledged stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas over nine years.

NINE YEARS. This poor guy has been planning this epic Cinco de Mayo party for NINE  YEARS and was willing to risk 50 years in prison to pull it off?!?! That’s uncanny dedication. You can help but admire this man’s grit and determination.

Can you imagine how wild this party would’ve been with him planning it for nine years? This could’ve been one of those “someone might die” kind of parties. Tons of booze, tons of cocaine, definitely more fajitas than you can shake a stick at. I’d be willing to bet some titties would be out. And, yeah – someone might die! If he was willing to spend/steal $1.2M for the fajitas, just imagine what he would’ve spent on the drinks/strippers/luchadors. It would’ve been crazy.

Cameron County District Attorney Luis Saenz tells The Brownsville Herald that Gilberto Escaramilla was fired in August and arrested after authorities obtained a search warrant and found packages of the Tex-Mex food in his refrigerator.

Investigators subsequently checked vendor invoices and determined he would intercept county-funded food deliveries and deliver them to his own customers.

The scheme imploded when he missed work one day in August for a medical appointment and a delivery driver showed up with 800 pounds of fajitas, but officials said the juvenile department didn’t serve fajitas.

The Assistant District Attorney handling the case said the sentence should send a message about theft to other public servants.

Oh wait – this all wasn’t for a killer Cinco de Mayo party? This was like a covert fajita smuggling operation intended for resale? Damn. Now, I feel a bit deflated. Infinitely less cool now. This story took a real turn – now we’re talking Mexican food Narcos.

Who knew that the South Texas Fajita Cartel was a legitimate threat to our freedom? Does treachery know no bounds?

Also, that’s a YUGE oversight to miss work the day the fuckin’ 800 POUNDS of fajitas are supposed to be delivered. Can you imagine being on the job that day? “Boss – why’s there this huge truck load of fajitas here?”

“What on Earth are we going to do with 800 pounds of fajitas?”

Just sloppy all around. I’d be willing to bet this dealer was getting high on his own supply. That’s how these guys end up slipping up and getting caught.

In the end, a great day for justice, but a pretty bad one for people who were looking forward to Gilberto’s Cinco de Mayo party.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

Buy our shirt. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube. Shop our store on Redbubble.

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Get updates and learn from the best

More To Explore