This Google Reviewer May Be the Most Honest Voice in Nashville

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There’s a dude going around reviewing anything and everything in sight in Nashville, Tennessee and other assorted cities all over the Southeast. But, he’s even reviewing football teams, football stadiums, universities (such as Harvard)….literally anything. Really, it’s downright hilarious. But, I don’t know that you’ll find a more honest voice in Nashville right now. This Google reviewer has put together a strong portfolio. And, I knew right away that the SoBros faithful had to see it. You could probably scroll for hours through this guy’s handiwork, but I’ve hit some of my own personal highlights:

Damn, dude – don’t you just hate when that happens? You’re just strolling through the Rivergate mall and then BOOM – pretty woman swindles you into dropping $200 at City Gear.

Everybody knows that nothing’s better for a hangover than a stay at the Knights Inn.

Spandex! Real talk – I’ve never had Jeni’s, but I hear fabulous things that don’t include women in spandex.

Those damn hotels down around Vandy just seem to keep shrinking.

Now, listen – I hear my man on this one. There’s nothing worse than strolling through Kroger on a weeknight, trying to get my groceries, and they have stock people all over the place. I’m a big guy – just bumping into people, constantly saying, “excuse me.” Did I mention those trash ass shopping carts? Thank goodness all the nice lookin’ women shop at Kroger.

Hell yeah! You know you got a donk when you puttin’ the Big Lots on lockdown! And, you can get right downtown from the school. I’m still confused as to how this all relates to the big booty and the Big Lots, but whatever.

Legit impressed that Popeye’s has TVs in there. I don’t know if chicken popping in your stomach is good or bad, though.

Okay, this is actually a genius idea.

Fuck, man – what’s happened to my old stomping ground? All the Poe people comin’ there now? That shit was the Harvard of the South when I was there.

I can’t tell you how many times I thought about this as a younger man – “if I could get a job with Chick-Fil-A, I wouldn’t have to miss Titans games in the Fall.”

Why’s everything gettin’ three stars, bro?!?! Give these people more business? Maybe give them five stars!

You might think just because this guy speaks plainly that he doesn’t understand the future. But, it’s pretty damn clear that he does. You better believe Amazon is going to destroy Walmart one day. But, not the one off Charlotte Pike.

Shit, I’ll be homeless for $1 beers every day!

This is the best one – you can’t put it more plainly. Why are you in Quizno’s serving people sandwiches with the got dang flu?!?! Come on, man – #BeBetter.

To be such convoluted reviews, they actually make a shit ton of sense. Like I said, you might not find a more honest voice in Nashville right now than this guy. Respect.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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