The SoBros Mailbag, 2nd Edition

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, use #SoBrosMailbag to hit us up on Twitter.

Question: 

Answer: My favorite Ninja Turtle was always Raphael. Big fan of the color red and his sais were much cooler than all of the other weapons. Most hated G.I. Joe – that’s easy: Tollbooth. What kind of kid wants a professional transportation worker as a toy?

Question, from Olivia on Facebook: Favorite 90s song? Best cereal?

Answer: That’s tough. I listen to a LOT of 90s music, but I’m on this kick of OMC’s “How Bizarre.” Also, totally not a cereal guy. Maybe eat 1-2 bowls a year. But, growing up, the marshmallows in Lucky Charms were my favorites.

Question:

Answer:

Logically speaking, the operators in this proposal leave too many possibilities open. Therefore, there are too many variables to make an accurate assessment.

One, do we know for sure that woodchucks cannot chuck wood? There may already be evidence out there of how much wood a capable woodchuck could chuck.

Two, if woodchucks were capable of chucking wood, they are still individuals and would differ from woodchuck to woodchuck. One woodchuck would chuck a lot of wood, but another woodchuck may not.

Finally, it’s hard to quantify how much wood a woodchuck would chuck. It’s a matter of personal desire and gain. Just because a woodchuck is capable of chucking wood does not mean that they would chuck wood. For instance, I am capable of eating an entire bag of chicken tenders on any given day. But, I would never do that. Okay, I rarely do that. But, you see my point.

In other words, it’s hard to find an exact figure for you, Austin. And for that, I apologize.

Question:

Answer: I’m assuming you’re talking about penises here, and I can assure that you are completely fine. Still, it’s a good idea, just for preventative maintenance purposes, to use it at every chance you get.

Question:

Answer: Thank you for asking, Dom. The answer you’re looking for is 10 Scoville units.

Question:

Answer: Personally, I go with McDonald’s while I’m still drunk sometimes and it helps ward off the angry hangover monster. A few McDoubles – yes….a few…a Sprite, and I’m good. When I’m actually hungover, I head to Jersey Mike’s…get the giant cheesesteak and add jalapenos.

Question:

Answer: This is a tough question, but I’m going to go with WSMV management here. I have no interest in anything Logan Paul does. But, maybe if we’re on an island alone, WSMV management and I can hash some things out so they stop driving our favorite people off the air.

Question: 

Answer: This isn’t a joke. Brandon knows – when I was a kid, I had a go-kart, and my dad painted Doink The Clown’s face on the back of it because he was my favorite wrestler at the time. I still have that thing somewhere.

Question, from Tyler on Facebook: How will the Cleveland Browns mess up having the first overall pick?

Answer: I don’t know, but I can’t wait to see it. Is there anything more entertainingly bad than the Cleveland Browns right now? Common sense would say you take Saquon Barkley at #1 then sort the quarterback mess out at #4. End up with Barkley and Baker Mayfield, and I say you’ve got a strong nucleus to build around. Which means they will select Josh Allen at #1 and trade the 4th pick for a dishwasher.

Question, from Brett on Facebook: Now that Paul has left Nashville, who’s this city’s best weather person?

Answer: Paul, you wanna take this one?

Question, from Greg on Facebook: If “Nature Boy” Brandon Vick was a shade of pink, what color would he be?

Answer: Whatever shade the Pink Panther is. That’s Brandon. Brandon is the Pink Panther.

Question, from Jake on Facebook: How can the official SoBros take on the Blade movies be that terrible?

#Top5WorstTakesOfAllTime

Answer: I firmly stand behind my take on the Blade movies. Well, maybe I should loosen up a bit and give the 2nd and 3rd ones a shot? But, that 1st one was atrocious. Terrible acting, no story whatsoever. I don’t want to make this one of the hills I’m willing to die on, but I might be forced to.

Question:

Answer: I, for one, was SHOCKED by this news. But, this is the perfect opportunity for Tennessee to #BeBetter and step its game up.

Keep the questions coming using #SoBrosMailbag – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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