These days, everybody has a list. As a society, we love reading some lists. It’s hard to keep up with. I’m pretty sure I’ve already read about 80 different ‘best states in the country’ list. But, today, I’ve found one that has outright offended me. And, you know, when you are offended, there’s no other place to go but the internet. I found some hack ass list that said Tennessee is the 26th best state in the nation.
Tennessee ranks at No. 26 among the best states in the country, according to a new set of rankings released Tuesday by U.S. News & World Report. Tennessee was helped by its ranking No. 5 in fiscal stability and No. 13 for its robust economy.
First of all, I’m going to question the credibility of the source here. ‘U.S. News & World Report’ – make up your mind. Is it U.S.? Or, is it the world? Or is it a combination of news pertaining to the United States, and then a separate report on the world? If so, that’s convoluted, confusing, and I question your authority, fake report man.
The entire economy in Tennessee hinges upon drunk people in Nashville, though – so I believe it. That’s all Nashville is….bars and drinking. So, as long as people like booze, the Tennessee economy is going to be booming.
Here’s how Tennessee ranked in all eight categories evaluated by U.S. News:
Crime and Corrections: 41
Economy: 13
Education: 28
Fiscal stability: 5
Health care: 43
Infrastructure: 15
Opportunity: 31
Quality of life: 28
Yeah, but you know what I don’t see? Where does Tennessee rank in the ‘food’ category? Or, where does it rank in the ‘fine ass people’ category? How about the ‘meth’ category? I’d be willing to bet that if you factored in real categories like that, it’d bring that score right the hell up.
What does the ‘Opportunity’ category even measure? There’s literally opportunity everywhere in Tennessee. I have the opportunity to go jump off my balcony right now if I want to. So, what is this vague general ‘Opportunity’ category even doing here?
The top 10 states in the U.S. are:
1. Iowa
2. Minnesota
3. Utah
4. North Dakota
5. New Hampshire
If I’m Minnesota, I’m feeling pretty screwed right now. Have you ever met someone from Minnesota? Have you ever been there? It’s like its own little world. The people are nice and fun, but hard-nosed. They love hockey and beer. And, it’s absolutely beautiful up there. Just – you know – don’t leave the house from like October-April. I’m a little biased towards Tennessee, but Minnesota has the rightful claim to the throne on this list.
No one’s ever even been to Iowa. If not for Slipknot and Seth Rollins, I don’t know if anyone would even know it exists. And, on that note, I will apologize to our readers in Iowa and move on with my life.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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