Big news to report today, folks. I don’t care if it is two days old. It’s still important. Just when you think this world can’t get any crazier, here we are. Cops have found Mother Mary on some back road in Kentucky.
A woman who led police on a chase told arresting officers that she was Mother Mary en route to pick up Baby Jesus and had permission from God to speed.
Where was Baby Jesus? I’d have to guess daycare. And, if you’re the one responsible for picking up Baby Jesus from daycare, what are you going to do? I’m damn sure going to do everything in my power to be on time. I don’t want to make Baby Jesus wait.
WDRB-TV cites an arrest report saying a Kentucky trooper attempted to pull over 52-year-old Connie Allen, of Goodlettsville, on Saturday, but she ignored him. A high-speed chase ensued.
Well, yeah – I mean, I’m not usually one to advocate for ignoring police officers. But, Mother Mary had it on pretty good authority that she could speed. You know, if God says I can speed, I’m going to say it’s okay to speed. No offense to the Kentucky trooper, of course. But, in the grand hierarchy of life, I’m going to say God ranks a little higher.
Another trooper was eventually able to pull in front of Allen, forcing her to stop. He approached her car with his weapon drawn, but she refused to get out and show her hands. The report says she became compliant when he hit her window with a police baton.
She also told police she had died five years ago.
My goodness – these Kentucky police officers need to be checked. Someone needs to really put them in their place. You can’t go around intimidating dead women like this. Disgusting.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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