Forgotten Treasures of Americana: Braided Belts

 In Forgotten Treasures of Americana

In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. 

In a way, it feels good to have football season over with. I can now tend to some of our more enlightening properties that may have been forgotten with all the hustle and bustle of covering America’s game. I’ve been chewing on this idea quite a while, because I think it’s an item that deserves recognition. Today, I finally present my analysis.

The versatility of the braided belt has long since been forgotten in the United States of America. It’s often shunned, cast aside, and outright laughed at by men and women of great fashion. But, fashion has never been reasonable.

The functionality of the braided belt is what makes it so special. Tired of your everyday leather belt breaking? Well, the braided belt is incredibly strong….because it is literally like five belts braided into one. It is a proven fact that a braided belt is indestructible.

Braided belts also go with just about any outfit for any occasion. L.L. Bean understood its allure. Not only is it scientifically indestructible, but it’s also a dynamic fashion item. Have a job interview? Braided belt. Going to a birthday party? Braided belt. Returning your overdue library books? Braided belt.

Quite frankly, there’s no improper occasion for a braided belt. Pair that with it’s durability, and you see why it’s such a powerful icon of American culture.

But, what does a braided belt say about the person who wears it? Well, first things first – it says he/she is quite pragmatic. They have the very essence of L.L. Bean within them. It means they don’t care about what your vicious societal constraints tell them they should feel towards the braided belt. This person is brave, courageous, and walks to the beat of their own drum.

So, why did the braided belt fall out of good standing in our culture? My best guess is that a braided belt isn’t so different from an Infinity Stone. With great power comes great responsibility. Not everyone can handle it. When people can’t have something, they tend to turn on it out of jealousy. I haven’t found that documented in any of the multitude of parchments I possess in my library, but that makes the most sense. Occam’s Razor.

Please visit L.L. Bean right away to purchase a designer braided belt, or you are at risk of being a giant bitch.

Prior Forgotten Treasures of Americana Features

3OH!3
AIM
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Playing Outside
The Super Soaker 50

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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