***Disclosure: Brandon wrote a really good review of The Hateful Eight if you’re looking for actual journalism here.***
I’m a weird dude. I get that. I have weird tendencies, including my Yankee Candle schedule. Yeah, I won’t burn a candle unless the fragrance matches the season. Get your ‘Sun & Sand’ out of here, it’s January. I weaned myself off the Christmas candles with Hot Buttered Rum, a nice transitional scent that’s warm and comforting, but not Christmasy, and now, I’m moving into Fresh Cut Roses in celebration of Valentine’s Day….which is a holiday I don’t even agree with. Yeah, to quote Tyler, The Creator, “I’m a walking fucking paradox.”
Anyway, another of my weird tendencies is only watching certain movies at certain times of the year. It’s like the candle thing, but different. I’m only watching Sin City in the Spring because it came out in the Spring and reminds me of my college days, and I like that feeling. I watch the Grown Ups franchise at the beginning of every Summer. Likewise, every year, it get’s really cold out, and I just have to watch The Hateful Eight.
So, the other day, I cozied up in bed, and turned this flick on in need of a chance to get out of my own head for a little bit. But, watching it, I remembered how bored I was when we got snowed in a couple of weeks ago.
Then, this brilliant idea struck me – “people should just re-create The Hateful Eight on snow days.”
It really sounds fun, doesn’t it?
You just dress up like John “The Hangman” Ruth and whatever Samuel L. Jackson’s character’s name was, you kidnap someone who looks like that mean woman, and you pretend there’s a bounty on her head.
Then, you bring her back to your family home, pretending it’s Minnie’s Haberdashery, and all the kids and your husband/wife can be the different characters. I would recommend drawing your character names.
It’s like a real life game of Clue, but everybody dies.
And, that brings me to my next point. You’ll probably want to use real guns and stuff, or the game just won’t feel authentic. So, it’s going to be really tricky to figure out how to shoot at each other without actually shooting each other.
But, practice makes perfect, so I’m sure you guys will get it right.
Also, instead of poisoning the coffee, you could just pour laxatives in it. Instead of vomiting blood, you’ll just be shitting all over the carpet. That’s one way to make it safer.
Anyway, y’all know one of my big things is #BeBetter, and that’s what I’m trying to do here. Just improve people’s lives, one fun family bonding game at a time.
By the time you guys get through the game, everyone will be having so much fun that the woman you kidnapped will have forgotten and forgiven that she was even kidnapped in the first place.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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