Yesterday, the Twitter machine ’bout damn near broked as Vince McMahon took to the masses for a a huge announcement. Indeed, the XFL is coming back. We’re working on a ton of XFL content to release next week. Timing was great as interest in football is at its annual high with the Super Bowl coming up. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about this – on one hand, it could be a genius move and McMahon could totally capitalize on the decline in popularity of the NFL.
On the other, the fall of American football could have more to do with overall football fatigue and not as much to do with national anthem protests. In which case, the XFL may not see a single game.
But, regardless of where you stand in that debate, look at this shit:
Every time I see Vince McMahon he is looking more and more like The Lizard from Spiderman. Like, his skin is looking more and more scaly, his smile is increasingly reptilian, and he’s just as scary. Plus, if you tuned into the press conference, his voice is growing insanely gravelly, even more gravelly than it already is. It’s downright terrifying. It literally sounds like dreams and happiness being ground up and spit out.
Remember a couple of years ago when everyone thought McMahon was going blind?
Some gif circulated where it looked like he had no idea where he was walking…had his hands outstretched for Brock Lesnar like he had no idea where he was.
Twitter FREAKED out, and it became this giant conspiracy theory that Vince McMahon had literally gone blind. That’s pretty laughable now. Someone had to issue an official statement that Vince really wasn’t blind. Just mass hysteria.
I’m not always certain how science works, but is it possible that Vince actually died three years ago, but his mind is refusing to leave his body? Like, his body is starting to decay and deteriorate but he’s still out there taking stunners on Monday Night Raw?
Or, he’s just a functioning corpse that they wake up once every few months to show up on television? I don’t know – that’s a question for the real scientists. I’d just like to say that even a legend like Vince McMahon could benefit from some actual sleep and a smoothie every now and then.
And, don’t judge me. Don’t act like that’s distasteful humor – every one of you reading this right now knows full and well that if anyone on planet Earth is capable of this, it’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
Salute to the hustle – I actually admire it. I hope that one day writes an article about how I’m starting to look like a real life California Raisin. And, just for reference:
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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