Before my Best of 2017, we must get through the worst. From dramatic duds to shitty scary stories to A list talents looking like amateurs, the year ain’t looking too good for any movie that winds up here.

I did manage to stay clear of some real stinkers in 2017. Geostorm, Transformers: The Last Knight, and The Emoji Movie instantly come to mind. However, I didn’t make it out unscathed. What you’re about to see isn’t for the faint of heart. If you haven’t heard of some of these then count your blessings. For the rest of you…you’ve been warned.

The Abhorrent & Let Downs of 2017 are here.

DISAPPOINTING FILMS OF 2017

(no particular order)

– Kingsman: The Golden Circle
– Professor Marston & the Wonder Women
– All the Money in the World
– Life
– Free Fire
– The LEGO Ninjago Movie
– The Dark Tower
– The Little Hours
– Baywatch
– The Hitman’s Bodyguard
– A Cure for Wellness
– Personal Shopper

Now for the movies (including five Netflix ones) that could quite possibly force you to hate movies—and your life.

Runners Up:
– Pitch Perfect 3
– El Camino Christmas
– Deidra & Laney Rob a Train
– Take the 10
– Amityville: The Awakening
– The Book of Henry
– Leatherface
– Little Evil
– Power Rangers
– Collide
– Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
– Death Note
– Sleepless

WORST OF THE WORST:

ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE

Bruce Willis looks worn out trying to keep this low-budget, weary action comedy on the move. The John McClane of the past dies hard in humiliation and it’s not a pretty sight.

Whoa. Glad that’s over with.

Please excuse me while I go take shower.

“Nature Boy” Brandon Vick is the resident film critic of the SoBros Network, and star of Brandon’s Box Office In Your Mouth. Follow him on Twitter@SirBrandonV and be sure to search #VicksFlicks for all of his latest movie reviews.

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