A bit of revelatory scientific fact has trickled out regarding one of the most critical figures in world history: Darth Vader. Yes, the evil overlord of the empire that once sought to build a device powerful enough to obliterate entire planets. Now, he’s long been dead, but you’ve hopefully learned that in advanced history courses by now. But, little trinkets of information and knowledge are still trickling out today. Perhaps the most interesting find surrounding this intergalactic man of mystery is that he might actually be the twin of an ancient crab.
Darth Vader may be Luke Skywalker’s father (spoiler alert), but he could also be the twin of a horseshoe crab that lived 245 million years ago.
Paleontologists from the New Mexico Museum of Natural History and Science in Albuquerque and the University of Colorado at Denver have published a scientific article describing the extinct fossil horseshoe crab and its uncanny resemblance to the headgear Anakin Skywalker wears when he becomes Vader.
So, that’s why Darth Vader was always so…..wait for it…..crabby. This man was literally the descendant of crabs. That’s what I’m reading here, and my eyes don’t appear to have deceived me. This is huge news, obviously. It would explain why he was so vindictive. If I’m not mistaken, that’s one of the defining traits of horseshoe crabs. They are veritable revenge factories.
I don’t know what the technology was like in Darth Vader’s era, but I don’t think it’s impossible to rule out that what we saw as a man wearing a helmet was actually a crab inside the brain of a robot that looked like a man wearing a helmet. That seems like a completely reasonable assessment.
Horseshoe crabs are not actual crabs, as they are part of the Limulidae family and are more closely related to scorpions and spiders. There are only four species left on the planet, with population numbers dwindling.
It is 2017 – you cannot tell a horseshoe crab that it is not an actual crab if it identifies as an actual crab. That’s how this works.
The fossils were found in present-day Idaho, which was part of the supercontinent Pangea.
Last I checked, Idaho was in the United States of America, Fox News. No wonder the country hates you guys. Y’all thought Idaho was apart of some fictional continent. Was Pangea even on Earth?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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