Tank the 401k: “Starting to Slide” Edition
Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
Well, there it is. We’ve all been on edge all season long. Still, we we’ve been avoiding it. Alas, we can do so no longer. The fuckin’ bottom fell out last week. Your boy went 1-5….ONE. AND. FIVE. By far my worst week of the season. But, if there’s a silver lining here, it’s that I can brag about how accountable I am. So, quick shout out to me.
That’s the bad thing about loading up on picks, though. The more you offer, the more you have a chance to go wrong. Thing is, I didn’t even do that on purpose. I wasn’t desperately trying to get ahead – I just saw six games that I really liked, and rolled with it. That’s actually 10 times more alarming than picking out of desperation.
Anyway, here are this week’s from the “football expert” lolololololololoolololololoololoool:
BIG NATURAL’S PICKS
NCAAF: Alabama -34.5 vs. Tennessee – I usually stay away from these massive point spreads in the SEC. But, I just couldn’t resist…this Vols team is bad…like, one of the worst I’ve seen bad…it’s entirely possible that Alabama could score 50 points on accident against this team. Usually, I’d be a little cautious – this has all the makings of one of those special upsets. Tennessee is hearing all week about how terrible they are, etc…bulletin board material. But, this is different. The coaching staff has been awful, and the players, no matter how hard they play, can’t get past that. I like the Tide big time.
NFL: New Orleans -5.5 @ Green Bay – I think there’s a chance the Packers can just hang around, and hopefully, Aaron Rodgers can come back by season’s end to save the day. But, I don’t like ’em this week in Brett Hundley’s first start. Green Bay is COOKED without Rodgers, and the Saints are actually looking pretty good in recent weeks. Big day for Alvin Kamara.
NCAAF: Auburn -15.5 @ Arkansas – As bad as Tennessee is in the SEC East, Arkansas is that bad in the West. Auburn isn’t Alabama, but they’re still capable of beating this Razorbacks team by three scores. It also helps that Arkansas hasn’t covered at home all season.
NFL: New England -3.5 vs. Atlanta – The Falcons are still a contender in the NFC, but I don’t like them in this spot. The Super Bowl hangover has been real for Dan Quinn’s squad, and the Patriots could be finding their stride. I like the Pats by a touchdown.
NCAAF: Washington State -10.5 vs. Colorado – The Buffs aren’t the team they were a year ago, and the Cougars’ aren’t the team that lost to Cal last week. That was such a fluky game. This line is a result of that, so don’t buy in. I like Mike Leach big at home.
Last Week: (1-5)
On the Season: (18-21-1) – 46%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo