Damn It – Millenials Have Ruined Applebee’s

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Gather round, folks. Settle in for story time with Big Natural. As many of you know, this blog calls Nashville, Tennessee home. The First Lady and I actually live out in the Hermitage area. So, for the better part of the four years we’ve lived there, an Applebee’s was always just a couple of miles down the road.

Earlier this year, we received news that can only be described as tragic. Our favorite neighborhood grill had caught fire, and Applebee’s basically said, “screw it,” and elected not to rebuild and renovate. As of this writing, we, and all of Hermitage, don’t have our beloved Applebee’s anymore. Now, the news has worsened.

It seems as though Applebee’s is closing up a lot of shops across the country.

Courtesy of NPR:

Applebee’s announced this month that more than 130 of its restaurants will close by the end of the year.

The casual dining chain rebranded itself in the past few years as a modern bar and grill.

Say it ain’t so. My goodness – this is heartbreaking news. 130 new communities without their favorite neighborhood bar and grill. I mean, never mind that almost every time we went in there, the service was terrible. Sometimes, it was a little sketch and I felt more than threatened by my surroundings. But, hot damn – that was a damn good happy hour.

After 9PM, half-price appetizers and $3 Brewtus (trademarked) sized beers? That’s worth it. Wondering if I’m going to be stabbed in the parking lot on my way home is just a side effect.

The chain aimed to lure “a more youthful and affluent demographic with a more independent or even sophisticated dining mindset, including a clear pendulum swing towards millennials,” he said.

“From my perspective, this pursuit led to decisions that created confusion among core guests as Applebee’s intentionally drifted from its … middle-America roots and its abundant value positioning,” Cywinski said.

In other words, millennials didn’t go for it, and it turned off the regulars. In fact, Applebee’s isn’t the only big restaurant chain struggling.

Didn’t serve enough avocados, John. That’s your issue. Plus, all of the mill workers just wanted a burger and a beer. They probably thought, “WTF is this shit?” That sounds like a severe lack of foresight.

I should also specify that I am technically a Millennial, and all of this is just a bullshit joke blog. I just don’t want to anger 80% of our readership…

Anyway, forgive me if this sounds a little emotional and overdramatic. But, Applebee’s has been a major institution of my life since I was a tiny child…or whenever that Applebee’s in Hermitage opened up. I remember it as the highlight of my adolescence, really.

We used to go to the one in the Radisson by Opry Mills every Friday night. I used to skip lunch throughout the week. I’d save that $5 of lunch money every day for Friday night so I could order a Cowboy Burger and a Shirley Temple. Got damn, we were cool, but that’s beside the point. The point is, this is the rough equivalent of watching one of your heroes die. However, much more impactful.

I specifically remember Nature Boy eating so many chicken tenders at Applebee’s one day that he had to stop and puke in the bushes outside of Hickory Hollow mall.

In short, please don’t go, Applebee’s. Stay in Nashville. But, most importantly, stay in my heart.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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