This Guy Challenged a Politician to a Fist Fight over Water Pollution, and I Love It

 In Humor

I’m an old school type of guy. Please don’t read that as “I voted for Trump.” I’m just saying, I miss the days when we didn’t bullshit each other. When we had our differences, we just immediately jumped to fisticuffs.

Courtesy of cbcradio:

A New Zealand environmentalist has challenged his country’s environment minister to a fist fight.

Greg Byrnes, general manager of the Te Kohaka o Tuhaitara conservation trust, issued the challenge to Nick Smith in a newspaper classified ad.

He asked the minister to meet him in Christchurch for a boxing match with “Queensberry Rules.” The loser has to “frolic” in a local swimming hole that Greg Byrnes says is no longer fit for swimming.

There it is, folks. Greg Byrnes sounds like a smart cookie to me. Arguing and debating is pointless. We all know the quickest way to resolve conflict is a literal boxing match.

What does talking things out actually get us? Nowhere. We just waste time that could be better spent blogging, drinking, or watching wrestling. Instead, I propose that as soon as we realize a difference of opinion in someone, we just don’t even try.

The quicker you realize, “we’re not going to agree. We just need to literally punch this out,” the quicker you can get back to Instagram.

At the heart of the challenge is the government’s new water pollution policy, which aims to classify 90 per cent of the country’s rivers and lakes “swimmable” by 2040.

What “swimmable” actually means, however, is a matter of debate.

Critics, Byrnes included, argue the government will reach its target by shifting the goalpost. Under the new policy, water up tp 540 parts E.Coli per 10  millilitres 80 per cent of the time — in which a person has a one 20 chance of picking up an infection — is dubbed swimmable.

The previous measure for deeming water safe to drink and swim in was 260 E coli units per 100 millilitres.

“You can’t just change the rules halfway through and then tell us everything’s gonna be OK,” Byrnes said,

You’re damn right, Greg! You can’t just go changing regulations like this all willy nilly. And, good on you – this idea I was talking about earlier in the post? Of identifying differences right away and not wasting time trying to talk it out?

You nailed it!

“This water isn’t fucking swimmable. You can’t bullshit us. We about to throw down, bitch!” That’s a rough paraphrase, but you get my point. This is the proper way to resolve conflict.

Earlier this month, Smith invited reporters to watch him swim in the Manawatu River, labelled one of the worst polluted in the Western World, in a stunt designed to defend his policy.

“I don’t recall him putting his head under,” Byrnes said. “It’s a shame someone didn’t sort of make the effort and actually hold him under for a wee while, because we might have had a different point of view a week later.”

That’s a bit much, Smith. Kind of a tight-ass move. It’s like when Ricky Bobby wanted to prove how paralyzed he was by driving a knife into his own leg…

Smith, buddy, that’s how close you were to a stab wound. Just answer the damn challenge. Do the right thing. Fight your citizens in the streets of New Zealand.

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network and covers the WWE for Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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