Yeesh – every now and then, a story comes across my desk that looks like it’s going to be funny, and then when I actually dig into the story, it turns out to be more than a little unsettling. I can’t tell you how many blogs I’ve turned down because I think, “I just can’t make any funny jokes about this story. But, I still have an obligation to report the news, so your boy just has to break down this new Cristiano Ronaldo statue.
Cristiano Ronaldo was present on Wednesday as the Portuguese island of Madeira paid tribute to their most famous son.
As part of the celebrations, the airport was renamed in Ronaldo’s honour as the Madeira International Airport officially became “Aeroporto Cristiano Ronaldo”. Portugal president Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa was also on hand to unveil a brand new bronze bust of Ronaldo that will stand on a plinth outside the airport.
As you can see, the likeness is absolutely uncanny.
That is a young Viggo Mortensen with vampire teeth.
See? I mean, that thing could hardly look any further from Ronaldo. It’s like this island in Portugal took children out of day care, handed them some Play-doh and said, “make it look like Ronaldo.”
First of all, this is the quintessential set of wacky eyes. One is slightly closed, the other is wide open, and they’re both pointing in different directions.
Second, it looks like he has one giant row of teeth that are somewhat pointy. It looks like his left ear is on the back end of his skull. The skull itself looks a little misshapen, too.
Overall, it just looks like they put his face on crooked. At least they nailed the Adam’s apple, though. Good job, children.
Still, Ronaldo wasn’t too put off, saying at the unveiling: “Thank you for being here in my honour. Seeing my name being given to this airport is something very special, everyone knows that I am proud of my country and especially my home city.
I don’t know, ESPN. He looks rather put off. It’s like he didn’t want to take this picture, but knew if he didn’t, he would hurt someone’s feelings. That’s 2017, folks. Someone makes a shitty ass statue of you, and you still have to appear grateful.
He’s a better man that I am. I would’ve picked that piece of trash up and busted it into a million pieces over the sculptor’s head. Right there at the press conference. Then, I would thank them for naming the airport after me and go look at myself in the mirror for eight straight hours (if I looked like that…I mean, let’s be real).
If you can’t afford the best bust-makers in the world, maybe simply naming the airport after him and hanging a plaque on the wall will suffice.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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