Approaching thirty years old this year, I might as well have one foot in the grave. Nonetheless, I started my full-blown journey into adulthood some five full years ago. Boy – how time flies.
Along the way, I’ve learned the value of a dollar, the importance of turning the lights/air conditioning off when you leave the house, and I’ve felt a small portion of my soul die every time I’ve made a sandwich out of stale bread to avoid spending money on a new loaf of bread.
But, you know, those sell-by dates are more of like…a….loose guideline, man.
I developed a knack for paying all my bills and then stretching the leftover money over the course of two weeks – just in time for my next paycheck to arrive. Over time, I began to make more money, have more to budget, and most importantly, more to save.
Now – I know you’re all thinking, “Stoney – you’re a boy genius. Why would we think you couldn’t handle something as simple as routine finances?”
Be sure you’re sitting. This may come as a shock to you – I’m actually pretty terrible with money. After a couple of years of working a grown-up job, I realized that the amount of money I made didn’t matter. I’d spend it all.
That realization was the trigger for me to take control of things. I ended up taking a lot of money out of my checking account, and putting it in savings and retirement accounts, knowing if it was in my checking account, I’d spend every penny.
So, now you know – I was just like so many others….financially illiterate, unnecessarily broke, and quickly approaching retirement in forty years. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all victims of our own dumbassery.
Here at The SoBros Network, we feel an obligation to leave society better than we found it, and I don’t know, man….I just felt a calling to write this piece. Maybe it’ll cure financial illiteracy. Maybe it will help the homeless learn about money. Maybe this post will make someone a million dollars, and they’ll have an oil painting created of my likeness to hang above their fireplace.
I care a lot about financial literacy and homelessness, but how sick would it be to see an oil painting of yourself in a rich family’s library? That’s the real goal here.
Anyway, this is all advice I’ve prepared through pure personal experience, or read it somewhere that I can’t remember (probably my boy Dave Ramsey or Kiplinger’s).
Some of it, I’ve read and never practiced….but if you read something, it not only means it’s more likely to be true than hearing it, but it makes you look smarter. So, there – just reading something makes you an authority on it whether you actually do it or not.
Follow these idiot-proof techniques to financial freedom:
1. Know your income
All of the money you save and/or spend depends on the amount of money you make. Knowing your income is the first step to taking the reins of your finances. If you don’t know how much money you earn, you’ll never know what you can afford to spend your money on.
2. Be aware
It sounds simple, but sometimes you sign up for an insurance policy that you forget about and don’t need. Then, six years later, you’re wondering who has been taking $40 out of your checking account for the past 72 months.
You also need to be aware of when your bills are due. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just look at your paycheck when you get it, figure out which bills are due before your next paycheck, pay them, and budget the rest.
3. Don’t spend money you don’t have
This is paramount to your financial health. If you don’t have the money to go to the comic book store, don’t go to the comic book store. You may technically have the money in your account to afford the Moon Knight reboot, but deep down….you know you probably shouldn’t spend it. Tuck it away for a rainy day!
Actually, it’s best just not to leave the house at all to avoid the risk of spending money. I used to tell my friends I’d go out with them, but not spend money. Guess what! I’d always spend money – if nothing else, on gas. Be smart – gas costs money, too.
4. Aggressively pay off debt
I hate owing people money. If you knock out your debt, your greatest savings tool (your income, shit-for-brains) will be freed to start generating some cushion for retirement.
5. Save every penny you can
Seriously, if you start saving money while you’re young, you’ll get a huge leg up on everyone else. Even if you can only afford to put $10 a month into savings, by GWAR, you put $10 a month into savings!
Budget a little out of each paycheck as if ‘savings’ was another bill in your monthly rotation. Even while paying off debt, you should still make room for some sort of savings. It all adds up.
6. Buy cheap shit
I had a boss who once told me, “if you like bottled water, find the cheapest bottled water you can and never buy anything else.” He’s right (about most things that is)! Most people don’t realize that the cost of Kroger brand items is cheaper because it costs less to manufacture your own product than to buy it from someone else. It has nothing to do with quality (or at least that’s what us poor people say to justify buying the Kroger brand turkey bacon)!
7. Now, you’re ready to worry about retirement accounts
Yeah – set up a $1,000 emergency cash fund, calculate six months worth of expenses to save up, open up your retirement account (weigh the benefits of a 401k, Roth IRA, and traditional IRA to suit your retirement goals), invest in stocks and/or bonds, and all of that other bullshit that’s super easy if you have a brain.
But yeah – most importantly, know how much money you have and buy cheap shit. BOOM – something smells like financial freedom.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo
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