David Beckham Wins ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Despite It Not Being 2001

 In Humor

beckhamUSE

People Magazine recently named David Beckham the ‘Sexiest Man Alive,’ and while I won’t argue that Beckham is an attractive man, I have to argue that there were more deserving candidates in the year 2015.

George W. Bush isn’t the President of the United States. We aren’t celebrating the launch of Windows XP. No one is holing up in their bedroom playing Grand Theft Auto III for hours on end. Stone Cold Steve Austin isn’t the WWF Champion. The WWE isn’t the WWF.

This isn’t 2001.

People (Magazine) – where the hell have you been for the last 20 years? Who let this slide all the way through 2015? How does Beckham not have at least eight of these awards?

So many questions, so little answers. I’m pretty sure Beckham comes from a rare class of humans who are born beautiful. I don’t know if there are studies to back this up, but as a sound and reasonable young tike, I feel fully qualified to say that the mere thought of Beckham’s six-pack abs and English machismo has plenty of women all over the world literally filled with desire (among other things).

That’s the foundation of what I’m trying to build here: this should have happened YEARS AGO. It’s as if someone at People Magazine was like “man, we can’t give it to Chris Hemsworth again, let me Google ‘sexy man’ and see what comes up.”

Of course, David Beckham was the first man that popped up!

I don’t want this to turn into a Beckham bash-fest, but there were certainly better, sexier, and more contemporary options to choose from.

Get your monocles out – let’s have a look.

Julian Edelman

Common sense rarely prevails in today’s society, and this is the perfect example of it. Anyone that has taken a look at the scruffy face and smoky eyes of the New England Patriots wide receiver knows they are eyeing world-class sexual charisma. In fact, he’s been called the American David Beckham by at least one reputable source (me).

edelman

Throw in the fact that he has a five-star Tinder game, and ladies all over the world have to be swooning.

Idris Elba

When you’re a man, and you grace the cover of Maxim, you know your sexiness is breaking barriers. Elba was the first man to do just that. He is the epitome of that special, classy kind of debonair sexy. See for yourself:

idris

Dashing.

All of the basic bros that ventured to the mailbox that day to get their monthly Maxim weren’t even mad about it. They just thought, “damn – that dude is on fire.” Moments like these are when we all need to step back and realize that this man is among sexy elite.

Nick Saban

Maybe this is just the Alabama fan in me speaking up, but I can definitely see a spot in this conversation for Crimson Tide head coach Nick Saban. Hell, Sandra Bullock even commented on how handsome he is in The Blind Side (a nice documentary about making homeless children read and play football).

saban

Women like a champion of men who is firm in his command of the bedroom. You can take just one look at Saban on the sidelines each week and easily assess his prowess in this regard.

Vladimir Putin

Maybe I’ll catch hell for this considering we’re in the great United States of America and some seem to think we’re on the brink of Cold War II. That kind of talk has no business here – we’re talking about sexy men, and Vladimir Putin has the talent to belong here.

Putin

Have you seen this man’s shirtless game? Hot damn. Putin is obviously all out of shits to give. That’s sexy. You know this guy just bagged ladies left and right in his prime with that kind of confidence. Models are snapping selfies with him on planes, and he is blowing up ISIS shit like a man possessed.

His advisors just throw a percentage at him, and if they are around or greater than 50% sure of where they’re bombing, guess what – them bitches getting bombed, and I, for one, don’t blame him. He is large and in charge.

He was recently quoted by Russia Today as saying, “To forgive them is up to God, but to send them to Him is up to me.”

Panties. Dropping.

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@PFSpot@WrestlingNewsCo

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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